Assertive Communication

Communication is key in any relationship. And while it is vastly important it is one of the elements often overlooked in improving a relationship. Assertive communication is a style where a person stands up for their needs and wants, while also taking into consideration the needs and wants of others, without being passive or aggressive.

These are some traits of an assertive communicator:

• Keeping eye contact

• Having a steady tone of voice with the appropriate volume

• Body language shows confidence

• Listening to others without interrupting

• Clearly stating one's needs and wants

Let's work on being an assertive communicator! Think of a conversation you need to have. While reviewing the following points picture yourself having the conversation and using these helpful tools.

Show respect for yourself. Your needs, wants, and rights are just as important as others. So you should express these. Do so in a respectful manner as you want to show consideration for the rights of others.

Express your thoughts and feelings calmly. Embrace your feelings and thoughts and express them in a calm factual manner. Avoid criticizing, blaming, or complaining. Start your sentences with, "I feel...".

Plan what you are going to say. Don't wing it! Plan sentences to use and choose your wording carefully. Write a few notes if you need to so that you can be sure to honor your needs and rights by first of all remembering them, and then being able to state them clearly!

Say "no" if necessary. When you need to say "no" do so clearly without lying about the reasons. Offer to find another solution if the situation calls for that.

If you are not accustomed to assertive communication it will take practice. Continue to analyze your style of communication and apply the tips above. Let's practice here! What would your assertive response be? Remember - think about your needs and wants in each situation.

Friend: I know I've asked several times this past few months but will you please, please, please watch my kids this Friday night? I was invited out dancing and I'm just dying to go!

You:

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Co-worker: I'm crunched for time to meet this deadline. Since it looks like you are finished with your work for this project can you help out? Your next project isn't due until next week.

You:

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You've asked for a well-deserved, long awaited raise.

Employer: No, I can't give you the raise. It's just not the right timing for it. The company has a lot of expenses right now.

You:

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Parent: That was weird what your spouse said. Why would he/she say something like that? Don't you think that was odd?

Adult You: